Albus' Secret Recipe
by LotusAndWine
Summary: AU When Albus suddenly dies, everyone is shocked. However, more shocking is when his cause of death reveals a secret addiction he had. Humor, hopefully.


**Albus**' **Secret Recipe**

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or its characters, world, etc. in any way, shape, or form. I do not make any money from writing this – it is for fun purposes only, so no infringement, etc. is intended, nor is taking place.

Rating: I'd say it's rated K, for G. It's pretty tame, and it's really just an attempt at humor and a thought that just won't leave my head. The most that happens is nothing compared to canon.

Summary: When Albus suddenly dies, everyone is shocked and confused. They're even more surprised by the cause of his death, and find out that he hid a secret addiction from everyone. Humor.

Author's Note: This is pretty general. I hope it's funny, though I can't guarantee that anyone besides me will find any amusement in this. I hope you enjoy!

Oh, and it is AU because canon doesn't really exist beyond book 4 in this.

x.x.x.x.x.

Minerva was still in a state of shock. The colleague that she'd known for so long was dead. Albus was dead. He'd lived so long; it seemed that nobody could believe it.

She'd gone to have her daily tea and biscuits with him when she'd found him face-down on his desk with a silly grin plastered to his face. She'd immediately fire-called Poppy, who brought him down to her ward. Unfortunately, even Minerva was too late to save the esteemed Headmaster. He'd already been gone for fifteen minutes when she'd gotten there.

So, now, it was all just a matter of finding out how he died.

"Minerva?" Minerva snapped out of her shock at Poppy's voice.

"Yes, Poppy?" she responded, rubbing her tired eyes.

"I believe I found the cause of Albus' death," Poppy stated gravely.

"What is it?" Minerva asked, suddenly worried. What if the wards had been breached? Was Albus killed?

"There was a large amount of a drug-like potion in his system, along with that muggle candy he was so obsessed with. It seems he died of a drug overdose," Poppy reported sadly.

Minerva sighed, not quite shocked. "Yes, it seems there's a lot he'd kept hidden away for so long. I suppose I suspected it for some time though…" she trailed off, unsure of what to say.

"It's okay, Minerva – no one could have prevented this."

"Thank you for the reassurance," Minerva said, standing up. She straightened her robes and held her head up. It was time the students found out.

She walked proudly to the Great Hall. It was time for dinner, which every student would attend. By the time she got there, all of the teachers were at the Head Table and the students who were there seemed confused about Albus' absence. He was usually the first to show up for dinner, his exuberance for food showing.

She ate quietly. She had almost no appetite, but she managed to eat some of her food. The other members of staff sitting with her seemed just as somber as she; indeed, all of the teachers had heard of the poor Headmaster's death, and of the candies which aided in his demise. She rolled her eyes, for she could see out of the corner of her eye that despite his sorrow, Severus Snape was also having difficulty containing his mirth, as his smirk could be seen, despite his attempts to hide it.

"Is there something funny, Severus?" she snapped.

"The old coot is dead because of a hard candy," he smirked. She felt anger welling up at him, though she supposed he couldn't help but find the irony amusing.

"And what is so funny about _that_?"

His smirk got wider as her glare became fiercer.

"Out of all the things in the world that might have done him in, it's his damned candy!" he cried, his shoulders shaking with repressed laughter.

Most of the teachers realized that there was some kind of showdown going on between Severus and Minerva, as did most students.

Minerva sighed; she could understand how it was amusing. However, instead of retorting, she stood and tapped on her glass with a piece of her silverware. Every eye in the Great Hall was suddenly on her.

She cleared her throat and prepared to make her statement. "Students of Hogwarts, this is a grave night indeed," she began. "This afternoon, Headmaster Dumbledore succumbed to the hand of death." She paused for the gasps of shock, her eyes wandering to Gryffindor, where there was the most shock and sorrow.

"It seems that the Headmaster died of a potion and lemon drop overdose," she told them, "so it was completely natural. He has gone on to his next great adventure happily, as he's always said. Therefore, I will take over as Headmistress."

She stopped speaking and sat down, waiting for the inevitable outburst. She didn't have to wait long. Within one minute after she'd sat, there was a flurry of cries, gasps, and amused laughter. She looked over to Severus, to see that he had his head on the table, shoulders shaking uncontrollably. She hoped he realized that he'd dropped his emotionless mask.

Suddenly, all the noise in the Hall stopped, except one. Above it all, a strangled, half-repressed laughter rose into a loud crescendo, coming from Hogwarts' least favorite professor. Professor Snape now fell to the ground, laughter shaking his body, cackling madly into the air. Every student and member of the staff stared in shock at him. He was laughing!

Eventually, he calmed himself down enough to gasp for breath, short snickers breaking free every once in a while, and got back into his chair.

The students rapidly began gossiping, a wide range of speculations spewing from their mouths. Some said he'd poisoned the Headmaster. Some said that his laugh was of desperation that a candy had done him in first. Some said that he wasn't human and that was his cries of sorrow.

Minerva could barely hold in her giggles as she heard some of them. The things children could come up with, she thought, shaking her head.

"Of course, Severus might have to check out the potion we found in his system, to identify it and what effects it might have had," Poppy commented idly from a conversation she was having with Professor Sprout.

As Sprout nodded understandingly, Severus let out another loud giggle and Minerva grinned.

Only Albus, she thought. Albus would have wanted to go out with amusement, after all….

x.x.x.x.x.x.

A/N: Hope that was as amusing to you as it was to me. This is a oneshot, however, and will not be continued. I just needed to get this idea out of my mind.


End file.
